Going back to the doctor that delivered

Today I had to go back to the doctor that delivered Sophia. He's a great doctor. But it was hard. The nurse left me in the room and I waited. I bawled and bawled terribly. I wondered if they could hear me in the hall. I couldn't help it. I was in the very room where I had my last ultrasound on the day we found out we were having a girl. I remember being so excited and looking up at that machine with so much hope and expectation. Hope that we were having a girl. Expectation that she was healthy. Words cannot express how hard it is to let go of the expectation of a healthy baby. I've never understood why some people say they just want a healthy baby when asked if they want a boy or girl. I mean we all want that of course, but I've always had an opinion on what I wanted to have. I do understand now.