Went to church with my husband for the first time in 2 months today! I was reminded of many things that are comforting to me in this time. I know that my precious daughter existed before she came to us. I also have a testimony that she will continue to exist when she leaves us here. I recognize that not everyone who has experienced loss knows this like I do. I am so grateful for this comfort and I do not take it for granted.
I have experienced great loss in my life a couple of times. Although never this great. Twice I have experienced loss that had me questioning why. I have cried myself to sleep countless times wondering why I had to lose precious things in my life. In my experience Heavenly Father shows me the answers in time. And I have, both times, eventually understood why things had to be the way they were. I believe that this time will be no different. I don't understand this right now. I don't know why we can't raise our daughter. I don't know why she won't ever sit up, or laugh, crawl or walk or run into her daddy's arms. I believe that the answers will again come in time. I trust Heavenly Father. He can see the big picture of our lives. I trust that He has a bigger plan here. I would really like to know what it is. And I trust that one day I will.
Also, in my experience, I have always been blessed greater than my trials. But not until after my trial of faith. I can't imagine what blessing in this life could be greater than this trial. But I do believe that there could be some joy in the next life, big enough to will swallow up this pain.
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