Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Paralysis

This is a journal entry from when Sophia was still in the NICU. It was a very trying time for me. It took all the bravery I could muster. I hope this blog never seems melodramatic. My hope in sharing things like this is to shed light on my experience and to be real about my progress and the things that get me through (on this day it was simply learning to put one foot in front of the other).
 
Day 6 after my daughter's terminal diagnosis:

Sometimes in a dark wave of depression and sadness I feel incapable of anything. I feel incapable of operating a car. Or picking up after myself. I feel incapable of making a call about the insurance. I realized just now that feeling incapable and being incapable are different things. I may feel incapable of driving a car but I am NOT. I may just have to put one foot in front of the other, force my physical body to sit down, apply the break, and turn the key.

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