"I just want someone else to deal with this. I want the NICU to take care of her. I want to visit and let them do all the hard work."
Now don't let that scare you. That was just a thought intrusion. A thought intrusion is an intrusive thought that is unwelcome and involuntary. It is not you. They are common in times of great stress. I wrote it down to get it out of my mind. Of course I love her and would do anything for her. I hope if there are any mom's that find themselves in a similar situation... That are reading this blog now or in the future... That you will be forgiving of your thought intrusions and know that they aren't you. Know that just because a thought like that passes through your mind quickly, does not make you a bad mother. Especially if you don't act on such a thought. It's normal to be scared. But you can be brave too!
Fast forward a few months and I am having more good days than bad I would say. Sophia is the light of our life and I enjoy her every day. Just yesterday I was rocking her to sleep and when she was good and still I lay her down. Something I've done with all my babies at one time or another. So it was a familiar feeling. And for just a minute as I lay her down, everything felt so perfect, that I forgot she was even sick :-)
Guess who is going to have her Daddy's eyes? SOPHIA JANE-MARIE! That's right! The sunlight was shining straight into them yesterday and I saw clearly that they are changing color! I tried to capture it in this picture but the shadow of my camera disguised the brown coming in ;-)
Taking a nap :-)
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