Writing on the windows

I was REALLY nervous when they let me take Sophia home from the hospital. There was so much to remember. So many things I needed to know to take care of her. So many machines I had to be comfortable with. So many tutorials from pharmacy techs, surgeons, and nurses. I had a total anxiety attack the night before we left; when a woman from the medical supplier was trying to teach me how to use the feeding machine. The NICU staff was really good about making sure I was ready, and they were in no way kicking me out. I wanted to leave, but like I said, I was really nervous too. When I got home my wonderful mother and step-dad pulled their trailer into our yard and my mom stayed for several days a week to help me. On their off days my dad, who lives closer, would come over. I couldn't have done it without them. Even with all that help it was entirely overwhelming. The thing that kept me going was the intense love for my dear Sophia and my desire to care for her. Her spot in the house was by the window and the windowsill became crowded with all the things I needed to take care of her. I also wrote all the new things I needed to remember on the window. I wrote a few basics to remember too. Because sometimes when you have to remember to move the pulse oximeter sensor every few hours, clean the surgery site 5 times a day, flush her tube, etc etc etc... you forget the ordinary stuff like changing a diaper ;-) 

One of my friends as she was leaving my house spotted the writing on the window and felt sorry for me..."Oh Jennie!" she exclaimed. I understood what she meant. It was sad all the stuff I had to remember. It meant that my daughter was not well. Now days I am happy to report that I've got this stuff down! I never look at the window anymore, my parents pulled their trailer out of my yard, and I only have to ask my Dad to come help every once in a while. I've got this Sophia thing down :-) :-) :-)

 Sophia today...