Jason's always saying you don't have to look too far to find people who have it worse off than you. It's hard to think that there's anything harder than this, but he is right. There is. Missing children is always the first thing that comes to mind. Not knowing what happened to your child, that would definitely be worse. There's violence, abuse, war, kidnapping, etc etc etc.
Life would have no meaning without death---I heard that on a TV show the other night. And I thought how true that is. Of course we all hope that it will be when we are old and ready but...this not the world we live in. Remember the statistics from a couple posts ago? 1 in 4 children will lose a sibling or a parent before they are 18. 1 in 4! 19% of parents will outlive at least one of their children and 15% of babies don't make it to their first birthday. THAT is the world we live in. It's not a perfect world. But it wasn't ever meant to be.
I feel like I am in a holding pattern. Every day I'm trying to soak in her life, while simultaneously waiting for the worst day of my life to happen. I heard this country song the other day that says "you gotta live like there's no such thing as a broken heart." I need to try that. Plus I don't want my memories of her life to be sad. I can be sad later.
I can find the strength to do this by simply thinking about what I believe. I close my eyes and ask myself, do I believe that the church I go to is true? Yes I do. I'll never be able to believe otherwise because I've been lucky enough to have experiences that prove it to me. In which case there is MUCH comfort I can take in knowing that this will all be made right one day. Mortality was never meant to be easy. It's a test. I trust that Heavenly Father will make good on his promise (through the prophet Joseph Smith) that righteous parents will get to raise their babies one day. And in a much better world than this. How wonderful that will be!
Here's one recent picture...
And these are from today...
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