Yesterday during my nap I had a verrry vivid dream. I was playing with Sophie and she wasn't just smiling...she was grinning. Huge grins, almost laughing. It was so vivid that when Papa was over later asking how she was doing, I almost cited it as a new milestone. I caught myself before the words came out, realizing it was just a dream. But then...THEN! This morning I was hugging and kissing her, sort of smothering her. I do it with all my babies. When I'm holding them and they're so darn cute and perfect that I just get filled with energy and want to squeeze them until they pop. Instead, I smother them in energetic hugs and kisses. So I was doing this and SHE GRINNED. Like BIG! A bunch of times! Jason witnessed it. It was AMAZING. Because you can't expect any milestones with PCH everything that does happen is a MIRACLE. It's the most INCREDIBLE feeling. Words don't even help to describe it. Jason got a little on video, thankfully. I looked pretty homeless since it was first thing in the morning, thankfully lol ;-)- But as with most cute things kids do, by the time you bust out the camera your getting the half-baked stuff anyways. I'll always have that memory though!
"You'll Love It"
When Sophie was just a few days old she had to have surgery to get her feeding tube put in. When she came out of surgery I was so deeply sad...and scared honestly. It was terrifying listening to her cry after being intubated and coming out if anesthesia. She sounded so confused. Doctors and nurses talking around her like it's all so normal...bc it is for them. And I would hate for them to sound any different. You want to feel confident that they know what to do...that this is all "normal" for them. But it's simultaneously striking because it's SO abnormal for you.
Anyways I was still living in shock every day. Waking up and realizing it's not a nightmare. Driving to the hospital adjusting to new big changes almost daily, like a hole cut into your infant's stomach so you can feed her. It was on this day that her surgeon was describing what I could expect in the future and I was trying REALLY hard to listen and not cry. Right now she had a tube hanging out of her belly that needed to stay for a while. But he described this "button" she could get in a few weeks. "You're going to love the button" he said enthusiastically. And all I could think was "Wrong, I don't love any of this".
Well, the learning curve has been steep. But I can tell I have come a long way because today, she got the button. And although I can't say I love it, I can say I was looking forward to it. It is smaller, flatter, and I can take the tube out and clean it. It is in a lot of ways much easier. And ultimately, I AM SO GRATEFUL that I can feed my baby.
Lex Luther and Iron Man
After school today I picked up Michael and 2 of his best buds. I took them to Fiesta Fun for Michael's belated birthday. They had a great time. I did too. I sat on a bench and read a book. It was SO nice, that when time was up I found I was disappointed. But that's not the point of the story. ;-)- What I want to tell is that my son is growing up. I've noticed some things lately that I think signify big changes around the corner.
1. On the way out of Fiesta Fun today I'm eavesdropping on a very DEEP conversation about who would win a fight between Lex Luther and Iron Man.
2. His feet stink...lol and
3. He told me that his friends "understand" him better than I do.
It's adorable to watch him grow up :-)
(I forgot to take some pictures of the fun stuff so I snapped a couple on the way home ;-)
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