Sophia Says- Don't be afraid to let your bad relationships change for the better

A couple of days after Sophia was born I still hadn't told Michael and Sarah she was sick. I felt I needed to tell their father, my ex husband, first. Grrrrrrrr-eaaaaat, I thought. He and his wife met me at a park near the NICU while my husband stayed with Sophia. I didn't know what to expect. I mean, we'd certainly had it out a few times in the 7 years we've been divorced. But this was bigger than all that, I hoped.

We sat on a bench while the children played. I began by telling them that every fight we'd ever had seemed pretty stupid right now.....and then I spilled the beans about Sophia. They both fell on me. Literally. They both just hugged me. I knew it was sincere. We cried.

I figured when I told them my baby was dying, that I could at least count on them helping me support Michael and Sarah through this. Because for all our differences, one thing we have in common is that we love those kids. But I did not expect the immediate love that they both showed for ME. 

In the days and months that followed I found myself telling people that my ex husband's wife checks up on me just as much as my friends do! And things with my ex had gone back to a good place as well. A place we had been before, for a time, but not in a while. 

Today I opened up a wonderful Mothers day present from Sarah and Mari (her step-mom). A lovely song she had written for a friend that lost a son, adapted for Sophia 😊 They had practiced and recorded it together! 💜

"Watching over you, both night and day
I'd give anything to take your pain away,
But I made a choice....I chose you.

I lived close to your heart, as close as I could be.
I knew the sound of it's beat, I knew the song you sang to me,
I feel no pain, only peace.
Let me share it with you in this letter...love, Sophie

It wouldn't be easy, this we knew.
But we promised we would pull each other through.
Though I wanted to stay...stay with you.
Just for now through heaven's arms, I'll comfort you.

I lived close to your heart, as close as I could be.
I knew the sound of it's beat, I knew the song you sang to me,
I feel no pain, only peace.
Let me share it with you in this letter....love Sophie

I live on...closer than you think.
Through Heaven's arms...I share His peace

I live close to your heart, as close as I could be.
(I live on...closer than you think)
I know the sound of it's beat, I know the song you sang to me,
(I hear your heartbeat, I hear you sing)
I'll ease your pain, share His peace.
(I feel no pain, only peace)
Let me share it with you in this letter....love Sophie"

Such beautiful lyrics. I cried and cried. In a good way. I could feel the Holy Ghost testifying to me that it's okay to love people you wouldn't expect.

My message today is this. We all have relationships that suck at times. And we've all leaned on the people we love when those relationships aren't going well. But that doesn't mean things can't change. If someone is showing you kindness, take it. Accept it and show it in return. 

Don't be afraid to let a relationship that's hard, change for the better. It doesn't make you a liar. The people you love will accept it too. And if, for some reason, things slip the wrong way again, don't worry. Your people will still be on your side. 

There's plenty of love to go around in the world. It's okay to let the people you love, love your ex and his wife too. It doesn't mean they love you any less. But we should already know this, because we already do it with our kids.

I'm not saying you have to walk freely into each others houses, kiss each other on the cheek, go on family vacations, or get together for the holidays like they do on TV (if that doesn't suit you). Do what you're comfortable with. But do it with kindness. 

We all have a past, individual, together. Satan doesn't want us to change. But Heavenly Father does. Heck, if there's someone who WANTS you to get along, It's your Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ! 

And this doesn't just apply to your ex, any bad relationship will do ;-) If you can't bring yourself to be put in a position of potential disappointment, then don't. But allow yourself to take kindness and give it anywhere you can. Think about what I'm saying. Evaluate your relationships and see if there is room for an increase of love, or patience..... benefit of the doubt, or whatever you can give. And I promise you, you're life will start to feel "lighter". 

Even if a difficult relationship only gets a "little" better it just might make your life a LOT better :-) Take the risk. It's worth it. And you may even find JOY in relationships you never expected :-)

Sophia's life has taught me so much already. I am so grateful for her. She is changing me for the better every day. And every day I will strive to do right by her. I love my little girl.

 Thank you Sarah May (and Mari) for the beautiful mothers day gift. Sophia and I will treasure it forever :-)